Image credit: Dad, during our summer 2017 Cairngorms trek.
I learn slowly,
I make mistakes,
I pledge to change for all our sakes.
But when I fall in those same traps
Again, a chord in my mind snaps,
Unleashing rage from youthful heart
So that the dark cruel thinking starts
To light up little lilting sparks
That flare and course in flaming arcs
From flashing eyes to curling toes,
From shaking hands to upturned nose,
And then I wonder if I lie
As my excuses fill the sky:
I’m just trying to justify!
But really I just want to sigh
And admit as we start to cry
That I’m just fragile bone and flesh
So when old and new follies mesh
I shouldn’t be so damned surprised.
My pile of pledges, mountain-sized,
Swells on and on, while lessons learned,
Are in its shade, their leaves upturned:
They quiver and lay down their roots
To thrive under my raging boots
So that even while blazing thoughts
Streak through the air these learnèd knots
Of branching and determined plants
Begin their patient, sunlit dance
And as I sink into a trance
And realise I have a chance
To embrace every ragged flaw,
Tender, I begin to claw
Into the damp and fertile earth
And witness there the gentle birth
Of budding seeds and thoughtful hopes,
Bound by long roots as strong as ropes,
A network of enlightened dreams,
All stretching in organic streams
That will in time begin to bloom
Until there isn’t any room
Inside my mind except for fruit
From that green field, vibrant and mute,
Yet stronger than infernal rage
At same mistakes on every page.
See, over time I’ll come to tell
That learning is a living hell,
While thinking with a tired thrill:
“I learn slowly
But learn I will.”
Ishneich 